I’m a chronic stresser-outer.
I stress because I am not a real fan of things not happening according to plan. I like making plans, lists, and having all things ready ahead of time. And my type of “spontaneity” occurs under controlled settings once everything else is in order.
This is who I am, which is hilarious in light of what my life looks like. NOTHING HAS HAPPENED ACCORDING TO “PLAN”. Both girls were a surprise, and most things like our “5 year plan” went in the complete opposite direction
Stress is an annoying little pest and stress never comes alone.
As a matter of fact, it always comes rolling in with its annoying relatives: fear, doubt, insomnia – just to name a few.
Stress does unbelievable things to the body on a physical level, increasing blood pressure, headaches, insomnia, fatigue, and the increase/decrease of eating.
Stress does something else to the heart besides increasing blood pressure. Stress is a thief of all things good. Stress it the thief of joy and peace and I will be the first to admit that I have been the victim of a full on robbery in my heart on multiple occasions.
As Giselle grows, so do my concerns for her future. Instead of life feeling easier, it feels like things are becoming more complicated. Dealing with new and unforeseen changes as a special needs mom can quickly put me under a lot of stress as I am constantly trying to find ways to help Giselle deal with her anxiety, balance appointments and think about the future.
Pressure and stress also has a nifty ability to showcase who you really are and what you are really made of.
I’ve mentioned it before but I’ll mention it again. The word “future” is not my favorite word as a special needs mom. I HAVE to life day by day in order to keep my sanity and because things get too complicated when trying to plan ahead. Thinking about the future too long usually leaves me an emotional wreck because there are inevitable truths that smack me dead in the face that I would rather pretend are not real factors.
But I know they are.
So how do I plan to stop this cycle of being robbed every day of my joy? I am choosing to replace what is fearful with hope, my uncertainties with what I know to be true. This was only confirmed during this past Sunday’s service as I felt the words were just for me.
When I feel like the load is too heavy and feel like I’m seriously done, I remember Psalm 55:22,
Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.
When I feel like I’m overwhelmed with things that are weighing me down, I remember Psalm 61:2,
From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
When I feel like I’m in an impossible situation in this journey of motherhood, I recite out loud my favorite passage that now holds a whole new meaning: Luke 18:27:
Jesus replied, “What is impossible with man is possible with God”
I know that in this journey of mothering a special needs child will not always be colorful and bright – and I’m sure that I have plenty of tears to cry of both joy and frustration. But one thing I am certain of is that I REFUSE to crumble in the light of difficulty and uncertainty.
Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen – Ephesians 3:20-21