In my short 4 ½ years of motherhood, I have come across plenty of times in which my parenting choices were either questioned or criticized. I wish I could say that they were all valid, but often times they were matters of preferences really. #mommywars
Since I became a mama, I have been a working mom, a stay-at-home mom, a student mom and a special needs mom. We all wear several hats in motherhood, and while wearing those hats I have heard the most ridiculous things said about each one either directly or indirectly.
Assuming is a serious condition in which a person talks without knowing what the heck they are talking about – and I think far too many people have this problem! The natural response to someone judging, critiquing or making assumptions about your parenting is to defend yourself and provide elaborate details about how you AREN’T what they say.
As a mom, whether you are at home, working, a student or a combination of several, you shouldn’t waste your breath or time trying to defend the unseen work you do.
There are preconceived notions of the type of mom you are based on where you find yourself throughout the day (home, work, school, ect). Society has placed labels on different types of moms that create these stereotypical models of what motherhood looks like in different roles.
As I flip through countless magazines articles, interviews on television or blogs, I find myself coming across all of these “how [certain type of moms] have it harder” and that is so counterproductive! As moms, we ALL have it hard in different forms and if we start vilifying each another, we are no better than what society is already trying to do to us as moms!
DIVIDE and CONQUER.
I don’t bother defending what I do all day as a mom, and neither should you.
You don’t have to defend yourself against the cyber bully hiding behind the computer screen or your Aunt Sally who is starting to think you are a lazy bum because you don’t hand-wash your laundry and every person in between.
This isn’t about refusing advice (because sharing and community is so important). This is about the nit-picky, often rude comments that is deemed okay to tell mothers, who are busy trying to do the best they can.
It may feel like it goes unseen the countless messes you clean up as a stay-at-home mom, or the long hours of commuting back and forth through traffic and dealing with nasty co-workers as a working mom. It may feel like it goes unseen the long hours of studying into the wee hours of the morning as a student or the countless therapy appointments and evaluations you have to sit through as a special needs mom.
This list is endless with all the tiny and big things you do for your family, so when someone has the NERVE to give their input and make snarky remarks about how ‘wrong’ you are doing it or questions ‘what you do all day?, let it fall on deaf ears.
Truth is, most moms will never receive a PTA award or be recognized through a viral video of how awesome they are, but that’s ok – because it doesn’t go unseen.
Those tiny little tots you’re raising see it all; feel it all. You are investing into tiny little humans with love, time and affection and if others question why you are wearing yoga pants or something else that’s completely irrelevant STOP listening!
Your validity as a mom should NEVER rely on the opinions or assumptions of others. You must remember to be confident in knowing you are a great mom and your children are seeing everything now and they love you regardless of how un-put together and messy you may feel. <3